just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
