Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
