I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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