One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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