Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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