He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
