Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
