as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
