i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
