If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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