So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
