I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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