I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
