Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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