This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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