if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
