Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
