Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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