Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
