Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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