Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
