I am puke
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
