I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
