There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
