Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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