Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
