Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
