can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
