i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
