Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
