I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
