The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he told me I talked like a deaf person
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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