you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
