My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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