I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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