You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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