i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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