lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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