Yo dont text me then not text me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
