All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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