You're a womanizer and a bitch.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
