Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
