wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
