The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
