Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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