Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
