either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's get the cat blown out
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
