I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
