Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
