I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
