there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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