He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
