Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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