we're blogging at a bar
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
